All the pics and accompanying soundfiles to have graced the main page so far, starting with the oldest. (Click on the picture to hear the quote, and click here for the most recent one.)
05-07-1999
This quote is taken from Klutter, a cartoon about a heap of clutter come
to life. The situation: a group of children is trying to stay awake until 2 a.m.
to watch a horror movie, and to that end have put up a tent on the lawn. The
father of one of them occasionally looks outside to see how they're doing.
01-10-1999
Taken from Yes Minister, a comedy about British politics. Humphries, the
minister's secretary, wants to quit his job. That's not quite how he expresses
it, though.
01-01-2000
Ned Flanders, filling in his tax form right on time on the first of January, and
telling his son what taxes are for.
01-04-2000
This is one for Father's Day. Duckman has traced his biological father, a
paranoid redneck, and decided to adopt his lifestyle. His family, believing he
is being held against his will, feel morally obliged to save him.
01-07-2000
A rather endearing one this time. Kermit, as the dashing swordfighter Captain
Smollett in Muppet Treasure Island, confesses his personal belief when
his sword slips from his hand and he feels the opponent's blade at his
throat.
01-10-2000
And another one for Father's Day! Although the Simpsons are fonder of their
father than the Duckmans, they're just as realistic in their assessment of
him.
01-01-2001
Here's a bit of wisdom from X-file investigators Mulder and Scully, taken from
the episode "Millennium":
01-04-2001
From the first episodes of Blake's 7, that heady time between their
escape and the Federation's calling in major badguy Travis to hunt them down,
when it seemed that the sky was the limit: Vila asks some security personnel for
advice.
09-07-2001
From the second episode of God, the Devil and Bob, which is about, well,
God, the Devil and Bob. Recorded from the BBC as, needless to say, this series
was banned in the US...
06-10-2001
X-Files again: episode 6 of season 1, Mulder comments on the fact that a
suspect of theirs has just put some flowers on the gravestone of her former
employer.
25-01-2002
From the highly anthropomorphic Antz: this is the kind of conversation
you can expect if you're engaged to a high-ranking member of the military.
01-04-2002
The host of the show The Kumars at no. 42 greatly scandalizes his family
when he displays his new tattoo.
01-07-2002
One of the presenters of Celebrity Deathmatch discovers a sign that their
guest presenter may be a deranged psychopath.
03-10-2002
From Doctor Terrible's House of Horrible (or was that the other way
round?): the Victorian detective's way of saying "I meant to do that".
05-01-2003
From the sitcom Frasier: After a minor infraction by his son and a quick
change of places, Martin Crane regrets what he said about that same policeman at
their previous meeting.
14-04-2003
Taken from the Charlie Brown film where the Peanuts club go to summer camp.
Seeing these beds, I can imagine why someone would ask.
16-07-2003
From shrink sitcom Frasier again: it's always comforting to be assured of
one's sanity by the expert.
22-02-2003
A double quote this time to compensate for last quarter's non-update:
101 Dalmatians: while chasing ninety-nine spotted fugitives, one pup-napper makes a remark to the other on Man's superiority to (other) animals, which the obstacle they are approaching is about to prove wrong.
Chicken Run: a bit of semantic confusion between egg-farmer Tweedy and his chicken-hating wife as the former is beset by furious fowl.
10-04-2004
While the animated Jackie Chan gazes fearfully upon the dreaded Black Ninjas,
his companion destroys the whole ninja mystique with one cutting
observation.
01-08-2004
From WWII parody Allo allo: just what do Gestapo spies do in their
spare time?
31-10-2004
I have no idea what this series is called, but the reason this restaurant owner
gives for begging this girl to play waitress on the day he expects a visit from
a famous food critic suggests he will not get a good review.
12-03-2005
Sole survivor of the Buffy Page: principal Flutie's musings about the Good Old
Days end in an insightful observation.
03-07-2005
Baldrick explains his aversion of hospitals to Captain Blackadder.
01-01-2006
Another one from Captain Blackadder goes forth: although Melchett
probably isn't referring to us wage slaves, I still emphatically agree with his
statement.
31-07-2006
In The Powers That Be, Sophie Lipkin indirectly reveals why family
dinners are such a drag.
01-01-2007
Yes Minister again, a tribute to last year's elections. Humphries
describes the essential qualities of a (prime) minister.
15-07-2007
In Monthy Python's The Meaning of Life, "Part I: The Miracle of Birth",
the expectant mother finds that her timid offer to help is not appreciated.
01-01-2008
This new year's quote features an ancient Eekstravaganza ep making an
obscure (to me, at that time) reference to the currently most popular man in
America, before he retires to make way for the next election's crimocrat.
31-07-2008
From 2001 - A Space Travesty: a mistake that's easy to make, both in
reading and writing, about anyone who's held that office lately.
01-01-2009
From the Muppet Show with Julie Andrews. No comment needed.
07-07-2009
For all the creationists out there, accidentally subtitled in Dutch. A caveman
thinks he's safe from prehistoric piranhas on dry land, only to find they've
already passed that hurdle.
23-01-2010
Three quotes this time, from a film trying to explain the phenomenon "guys".
First, a word on how toys reinforce gender roles, as studied by experts.
Second, a word on "guys". The picture explains it all.
Third and final: a "guy" tries to fix a leak in the basement while his worried wife is comforted by a friend who is also married to a "guy".
31-07-2010
What a fertile source of quotes a film can be. Three quotes again, but four
screenshots, from the film of the same name about Sacha Baron Cohen's latest
personage, "Brüno", showing the world how to heckle homophobes. I passed on
the "gay" jokes to instead show those that ridiculize the other target of this
film: the fashion world.
Brüno introduces himself and the magazine he works for.
Rejected by the fashion world after he made a fool of himself on the catwalk, Brüno is no longer welcome in the hip clubs that he once frequented, no matter how he begs and pleads. This one doesn't need a soundbyte: the subtitle is enough.
Vowing to regain his status, he goes to the USA and, true to his fashion background, plans a photoshoot with children to put his newly adopted African baby in the limelight. The parents remain remarkably unconcerned both about the requirements for their baby models and the costumes they will wear.
When even that fails and he ends up childless and deserted even by his faithful assistant Lutz, he sees something in a shopfront that pulls him out of his depression. This one pokes fun at both MySpace and Scientology.
13-01-2011
For the dark winter months, some insights from the film Beowulf, which
puts the Old English epic of the same name into pictures, quotes it, questions
it and ultimately inverts it.
After a long, empassioned and somewhat testosterone-driven speech by the hero on how he is going to punish the monster Grendel, his reply to a sceptical native lets on that brains are worth more than brawn.
To warm up the audience's enthusiasm before serving the main course, the original epic extolled Beowulf's great strength and swimming prowess. Beowulf has a different view on the matter.
Their work done, the Geats sail home, the bard composing the tale of their heroism with a little Christian imagery snuck in. And a little hypocrisy.
11-07-2011
Just one quote this time: the only funny line in Boytown, a comedy film
about the members of a former boy band who want to make a comeback.
01-12-2011
What do you get when you mix dinosaurs and old-world British humour? The
Lost World is not a comedy, but with two driven scientists, a safari-going
aristocrat, a young journalist on his first big assignment and a jungle-wise
girl to look after them, it's surprisingly entertaining.
How being chased by a dinosaur can resemble the chase scene in a Bugs Bunny cartoon:
After climbing out of the trap in which the journalist, the girl and the dinosaur have fallen, killing the latter, the journalist reacts as only a British gentleman can.
If you can hear it over the howling apes and shouting natives: Professor Challenger shows what a forgiving breed scientists are (to anything that is a rare species) when explaining to Lord Roxton why he refuses to let anyone kill the hominids that captured him earlier.
01-07-2012
Unable to record anything new, I pulled a quote from 2005 off the old Buffy
Page: Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer (the TV series) complaining
about the extra jobs the headmaster gives her, yet snapping into action when
Giles needs her hacker skills. The page is gone, but the quote is too good to
discard.
01-01-2013
From Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery: a therapist trying to
improve a father-son relation finds that this is not so easy when the father is
a supervillain.
01-07-2013
Balls of Fury is the heartwarming story of a loud, obnoxious American
fatty who, as per Hollywood directive, wins against incredible odds and gets the
girl - but not before having been humiliated in every way possible. The balls
referred to are those used in ping-pong.
Invited into the den of Feng, a Triad (Chinese mafia) boss and ping-pong fanatic, the American, Randy Daytona, is offered one of Feng's courtesans by his evil henchwoman. It's long, but worth hearing out to the end.
The film ridicules not only American but all sorts of stereotypes, like the Chinese wise old man. Here, Randy's mentor (who is blind, hence his other senses are enhanced) thinks he's putting down an uppity rival.
Of course the star of the film is Christopher Walken as Feng, explaining to the dumb American what the audience understood the moment the matches were announced as "elimination, sudden death".
31-12-2013
While cleaning out some USB pendrives, I came across two soundbytes from The
Powers that Be, a mildly satirical series about a politician, his advisors
and his dysfunctional family. The first is dedicated to every presidential
election, ever. The second, to the annual end-of-year merriment that I always do
my best to avoid.
11-08-2014
Not immediately funny, but depending on running gags, vulgarity and an absurd,
Monty Python type humour is The Ten, an alternative illustration of the
Ten Commandments by a hen-pecked husband whose marriage is disintegrating
onstage, while the morality of his parables is ambiguous if not downright
puzzling. Well, it was good for two one-liners.
The surgeon who deliberately left a pair of scissors in a patient, finally runs into someone who understands his sense of humour.
It's not so much what's being said, as who's saying it.
30-12-2014
The quotes are out of the boxed set of five seasons of Agatha Christie's Miss
Marple, because I liked the Oberon Media adaptation of Hercule Poirot's
adventures, and expected to similarly drift away in a fantasy world of genteel
British tea-sipping against a backdrop of former glory and old money while
watching this lot. Although the murder mysteries were cleverly constructed, and
there is a certain amount of dry wit - especially from the turtle-necked and
somewhat sly original Miss Marple, as opposed to the solemn "withered English
rose" type who replaced her from the fourth season onwards - I felt a certain
dissonance of cultural values in being expected to like the kind of creepy, nosy
little villages she operates and lives in (I live in one myself, and don't enjoy
it) and condemn the murderers, even those who killed out of love or revenge or
both, while admiring the former British Empire, itself founded on
government-approved mass-murdering, and the "war heroes" (since the time frame
is just after the Second World War) who racked up a far higher body count, and
got a medal for it. But at least the set will keep me in quotes for two updates,
starting with the first two quotes that each needed three pictures to make any
sense.
In keeping with the Christmas season, a small ballet troupe is rehearsing the Nutcracker ballet. The dancer playing the Sugar Plum Fairy is gently reproached for not moving gracefully enough, and her co-star, less gently for expressing disdain.
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Even though Agatha Christie's mysteries tend to indulge in nostalgia for the Good Old Days, the crafty and mischievous Miss Marple of the first three seasons shows that she is not quite ignorant of modern slang.
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31-12-2015
One last quote from the Miss Marple boxed set: the immediate reaction of a woman
who hears of her father's death.
01-01-2022
Why kick a country when it's down, that is to say, why be mean to Americans
when they "reformed themselves" by voting for Nice Old Joe? Because, while I'm
sure Joe Biden is very nice in person, politically he's not great, and there
were plenty of better candidates who were shunned by voters for being too
coloured/woman/both. Besides, I remember when Americans "reformed themselves"
after Bush the Anti-Terrist by voting for Obama, a rare example of an American
president who wasn't a complete disgrace, and then, thinking that all was
forgiven and forgotten, followed up with Trump. To me, Americans will be for
evermore The Deplorables, a goldmine for comedians, and a painful reminder that
comedy is a coping strategy.
All quotes taken from Our Cartoon President seasons 1 to 3, deliberately omitting the sight and sound of a character that the world has seen enough of, thank you very much.
Season 1, episode 1: after cartoon Trump has stomped off because his generals wouldn't even let him start a nuclear war to increase his poll numbers (bear in mind Trump actually tried this with North Korea), their reactions serve to remind that the events of January 6, 2021 were something anyone could have seen coming.
Season 1, episode 6: political reptilian Ted Cruz runs on expressing the wishes and opinions of red-blooded True Americans, which is also why American children want bullet-proof backpacks for their birthday. And no, that was not a joke.
Season 1, episode 9: this may just be my favourite quote of the whole series.
Season 2, episode 2, press conference at the White House: remember when Trump wanted "wall", a disastrous project with ample helpings of grift and fraud on the side, caused an unnecessary but damaging government shutdown to get his way, seemed to reconsider, but then insisted after all because two screechy shit-stirrers on Fox bad-mouthed him for "caving"?
Season 3, episode 16: make fun of the one stupid person in the room, and Americans will demand that everyone else be made fun of too, for "balance". As a result, the series parodies all politicians equally, grossly exaggerating the "lefties" while only scratching the surface for the wingnuts. Hear cartoon Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez's plans for the Democrat future, and keep in mind that the real AOC doesn't actually want to kill anyone, even though she regularly receives credible death threats.
Season 3, episode 17: the series' producers probably assessed correctly why voters chose Joe over more intelligent and better prepared (but coloured/woman/both) candidates.
Season 3, epsode 18: from your mouth to my ears, cartoon former president. And a reminder why the Trump presidency happened at all.
