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Wolf's Rain has fans for many reasons. There are those who like the background music and/or animation. There are those who appreciate the realistic depiction of members of the canine family. A large number of females and an unspecified number of males like to drool over the good-looking male leads and the cute male extras. A large number of males and an unspecified number of females like to drool over the comatose green-haired chick with no clothes on. Though I may be guilty of a little of all of the above, my main interest in the series is the integration of canines in the human world to the point of being able to verbally communicate with humans and, if need be, tell them where to shove it. Which leads to imaginings of how far, exactly, this integration would go, if for some reason they gave up on paradise and settled for suburbia and a little patch of land. Here's my estimate of how the foursome would do in a number of assignments to test how capable they are of surviving in human society:

Apply for a passport

After some suspicious looks, the authorities grant Tsume a passport because he's sane, he's healthy and he has no criminal records (that they know of, anyway).

Hige passes himself off as Tsume's dog.

Kiba, already annoyed by the checks and questionnaires, draws the line at a blood test. He kills the assistant and runs out. Before long, the cops are on his trail.

Toboe, when asked for fingerprints, stupidly prints his whole paw.

Get a driver's licence

Tsume passes the written, manages to hit everything during the practical (it's hard to grasp the steering wheel with paws) but gets his licence anyway because the female examinator thinks he's such a hunk. Hige has similar luck. No one notices the teethmarks on the gear stick.

Toboe can't apply because he's a minor.

Kiba states that if God/the Mother Wolf/the Great White Buffalo Spirit had intended wolves to drive, He/She/It would have given them wheels.

Shop at a supermarket

Kiba wouldn't be seen dead in a supermarket.

Hige tosses as much in the shopping cart as he can fit, manages to bypass the checkout line and wolfs it all down in a quiet spot in the park.

Tsume economically buys only the necessary foodstuffs in such a way that the prices add up to a round figure, as it's hard to operate a wallet with one's teeth and he doesn't want to have to deal with small coinage.

Toboe buys some steak, chewies and doggy biscuits, observes the line of humans for some time before figuring out that he's supposed to put the articles on the conveyor belt thingie before paying, drops change all over the place and accidentally swallows some of it. Shoppers rush over to help the cute little fella.

Program a VCR

Tsume quickly and efficiently hooks up the VCR, programs all the channels, fine-tunes them, adjusts the TV screen settings for maximum visibility and goes on to pursue a successful career in video repair.

Hige gets as far as connecting the hardware and getting the main channels, and then sits down to a taped season of Baywatch.

Toboe starts chewing on the remote.

Kiba refuses to have anything to do with this human technology until Cheza mentions she'd like to see the Chelsea Flower Show special on the Beeb, after which he begs, bullies and blackmails Hige to explain the manual to him.

Ride a bike

None of the wolves succeed at this. It's impossible, they just don't have the right body. Tsume crashes a motorbike into a wall before remarking that unless someone invents a canine-compatible model, it's not worth it. Toboe proudly paddles about on a tricycle for a while until Hige sarcastically remarks that he's good enough to join the circus.

Go to the pub

Hige has a couple of drinks, gets frisky with the ladies, eats all the peanuts and passes out under the table.

Kiba has one drink and passes out under the table.

Toboe takes a sip, makes a face at the taste, bravely drinks it anyway to show the others he's not a cub anymore, gets a little tipsy, and climbs on the table to tell everyone the heart-breaking story of how he accidentally killed his dear granny. Tsume quickly drags him outside before he starts to howl.

Tsume orders a beer, joins in a game of cards and wins enough money to cover three weeks' groceries.

Travel from point A to point B on the London Underground

Bounding up and down the subterranean passages, Toboe thinks traveling on the Underground is fun! It would be nice to find an exit, though...

Kiba, covering his ears to keep out the deafening noise, fails to hear the continually broadcast "Mind the gap" and falls into the gap. He is horribly squished by a train, but, due to his amazing healing capacity, is up and running again the next day.

Tsume easily figures out the Underground route map and would have arrived at his destination on time if he hadn't been arrested for destroying some camera surveillance equipment along the way.

Hige gets stuck in a ticket gate.

Surf the web

Hige misunderstands and exchanges his usual outfit for beach attire. Once Netscape is up and running, however, he quickly finds his way to the "All you ever wanted to know about wolves" site, section: "Mating habits (illustrated)".

Kiba attacks the computer because the modem's dialup sounds are hurting his ears.

Toboe starts chewing on the mouse.

After rescuing the mouse from Toboe, Tsume does a Google search to check Kiba's ravings about paradise against hard facts. Among other things, the search turns up a scanned-in TsumeXToboe doujin. It's hard to say which of the two is more mortified.

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